MEN OR BOYS? - Review: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie

Patrick Star and SpongeBob SquarePants become real men in "The Spongebob SquarePants Movie" (Paramount Pictures, 2004)

Okay, I confess: I have been a confirmed SpongeBob fan since the day I succumbed to my kids' military-style interrogation tactics and purchased the Spongebob Hallowe'en DVD at a Safeway check-out in Edmonton two years ago.

In retrospect, I can say I'm grateful I hadn't been tainted by the hype or soured by the SpongeBob chic debate at that point. In blissful naivete I put the disc in my PS2 and hunkered down on the couch for a good pre-supper nap. Instead, I laughed so hard I popped intercostal muscle #3 in G minor. Who knew how hillariously avant-garde a sponge living in a pineapple under the sea could be?

For months I kept it to myself, sure I'd lose all credibility with anyone over twelve if I let my secret out. How could I admit my affection for this blessed invertebrate who allowed me to be a sophisticated adult and a giggling kid all at once? How could I have known, as I laughed out loud in the safety of my living room, just how far-reaching his influence had been among my peers, generating a legion of adult fans and a subsequent legion of anti-fans in staff rooms and college dorms across North America?

Needless to say, I was relieved to come out of the closet and weigh in squarepants-ly on the side of Bob and company. Torture me, pickle me, tie me down and tickle me, I can't change the way I feel about these guys. They kill me.

That's why when I heard they were making a movie, I was nervous. All I could think about was how one of my other favourite cartoon series, Looney Tunes, had transferred to the big screen. And I thought, oh tartar sauce, not Spongebob too.

Well God bless you, Stephen Hillenburg, for losing nothing in translation! Besides the inevitable challenges of having to spin a fifteen-minute format into an hour and a half, Hillenburg and the gang have managed to retain all the idiocy, irreverance, cheekiness, and charm that make the show such a hit on the small screen.

(Warning: spoilers ahead.)

As the film begins, Mr. Krabs is opening his second franchise, the "Krusty Krab 2". SpongeBob is sure he's a shoe-in for management, but when Squidward Tentacles gets the job because Bob isn't "man" enough, the Spongeman is devestated and goes on an all-night ice cream drunk with best pal Patrick.

Meanwhile, Plankton, Mr. Krabs' competitor and arch-nemesis, hatches a plan ("Plan Z") to steal King Neptune's crown and pin it on Krabs, thereby taking the crustaceous restauranteur out of the way and putting him (Plankton) in possession of the coveted "Krabby Patty" recipe.

Still stinging at his bosses "rejection" but loyal to the last, SpongeBob promises Neptune he'll retrieve the stolen crown from Shell City within six days, and thus redeem Krabs. As expected, Patrick goes along for the ride.

At every point, Mr. SquarePants and Patrick are assailed by forces that remind them they are mere kids, that only real men could possibly fulfill the quest they've presumed to take upon themselves. Though they put up a good fight, it gets to them after a while: maybe they are just kids. Maybe they don't have what it takes to meet this challenge. Maybe they should just admit the truth and turn back.

But, like all starfish and sponges worth their sea salt, they don't. They decide that "manhood" is a matter of attitude and choice not biological age, and press forward until they find their grail, and return home to save the day. Having proven his bravery (and thereby, his manhood), SpongeBob is given the position of manager, and all is well once again in Bikini Bottom.


Adults can still be kids; Men can still be boys

There's no point arguing about which demographic SpongeBob is aimed at: there were as many adults in the theatre killing themselves as there were kids. (I was one of them.) What has interested me is why Bob carries such appeal in the first place, especially for adults, both men and women. I mean, I haven't seen nearly as many Rugrats or Kimpossible T-shirts in size XXL.

"The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie" showcases the source of SpongeBob's enduring drawing power: his promise-by-example that growing up doesn't have to mean "growing up".

Unlike Peter Pan, whose fierce resistence to adulthood forces him to live in isolation from real-world society and at odds with all the adults in his life, SpongeBob, like Winnie the Pooh, is simply happy to be what he is. And to the chagrin of his critics, he is able to function quite fine in daily life, thank you very much, despite (or perhaps because of) his child-like approach to life.

Sure he blows bubbles and balances spatulas on his nose (these are necessarily bad things?), but he also shows up for work on time, looks after his home and appearance, and most important of all, takes his relationships very seriously. I know not everyone will agree, but as far as I can tell, this is a guy who has learned to balance the responsibility of manhood with the adventure of boyhood, marrying the best of each while avoiding their excesses.

Okay, so maybe playing your nose like a flute is a bit excessive, but you get my point.

I'm not suggesting that all of his behaviors serve as appropriate models for men; simply that in the quest to grow up, it isn't necessary to abandon all the things that made us boys. Honesty, loyalty, and responsibility are no more "grown up" virtues than spontaneity, goofiness, and a great sense of humour, all things being balanced.

Granted, we menfolk sometimes act a little too much like boys. But the solution doesn't have to be found in growing old before our time. As far as I'm concerned, it would be a shame for guys (and gals) to be made to feel that achieving manhood means abandoning the best of boyhood.

Your thoughts?

Paul